Hey hey.. Today's update.. Its more 2 my presonal life.. Haha.. Sori. Well, Juz typing dis blog specially for my baby.. Haha.. Baby, juz wanna wish u a "Happy 3 Months Anniversary!!" I tink its been a fast experience for both of us. Haha.. Well anyway, I rilli feel happy going out wif u. Cos u make me smile n laugh all e time. Make me forget all my probs.. Im thankful for dat. Forgive me if I haf been a bad girl 2 u.. Haha.. Sori abt me cant meeting u up for dinner. I promise 2 make it up 2 u wen skul opens ok? I haf not much but juz my smiles 2 offer u.. Haha.. Hope ur not mad. Well, I got not much 2 say.. 'Cos I cant rili sum up all my feeling of love here in dis blog.. Haha.. Forgive me. Well, u shud noe how much I feel for u. Love is all I can say now. Haha.. My heart is FULL of it. Haha.. Haiz. I miss u soooooo much. Too bad its fasting month. Haiz.. If not I cud go out wif u. Its soo disheartening.. Haiz.. Well, I gtg nw. Bz s a bee.. Tired. I'll talk 2 u soon.. Tc in wateva u do ok? Toodles. Muackz! Love u.. =)

Haha.. Finally I haf reached e legal age.. 8-teen.. Some ppl might say I shud feel proud.. But e truth is, I feel ok only.. Haha.. Fasting month had juz started n my b'dae was during dis period.. Haiz.. Isnt it sad? But guess wat? My period came. Dat means I cant fast! Woo-hoo...! Haha.. Anyways.. Im suppose 2 break fast wf my frenz.. At Tampines Mall. By, wanted 2 meet me at Yishun Int, so ok.. He called 2 say dat I shud go out wen he calls.. Wen I went down, got 2 noe dat he was downstairs!! OMG.. It was surprising.. He brought me flowers! Roses dat is. Wats wif it? Winnie the Pooh!! OMG.... Dat was rilli swt! I mean, nobody haf ever done dat for me in my entire life.. Muack! So we went 2 Tamp. Zul, Ayie n Salih were at Pizza Hut. So we went 2 Pizza Hut. Nurul n her bf came late.. Although der were a few ppl, it was a nice celebration.. Hu were der? Erm.. Ders Ayie, Zul, Salih, Nurul, her bf Amir, my Baby n me. Haha.. Ate pizza, my beef lasagne. *Ahem* Haha.. So ok.. I tot dat was it. Nurul ask me 2 follow her 2 e toilet. I tot dat was nothing. So, I followed.. Went 2 e toilet. Den Nurul bf was smoking so she wanted 2 join him. So ok.. Den went I went back 2 Pizza Hut, der was a small cake. Haha.. So cute.. Dey asked me 2 cut it in 7 pieces.. Haha.. Den Im lyk.. Wat..? Haha.. By said dat it was $23. WTF?? So small den $23. Crazy or wat? Haha.. Hmm.. Den l8r, again dey surprise me wif a bigger cake. Haha... OMG.. So swt!! Dey sang e b'dae song so loud dat everybody could hear it.. I was embarrassed. Haha.. Ate e cake, den paid e bill, den we went 2 e roof top 2 juz chat ard.. Soon, I gotta go hm.. Though fun has 2 end, I had a nice memorable tym. By send me hm. I noe he's tired dat I dun blame him if he doesnt feel lyk sending me hm.. W/o fail, he insist.. Haha.. Tanx By, soo much.. Muack! I had a wonderful time.. Tanx everyone.. Very much. Im touched wif wat u all had done.. :)

Why... Why does he treats me so nicely? Why is he so understanding towards me.. Why does he care for me so much despite e fact of my lowly background? Despite e fact, Im so bz.. He rili doesnt mind at all.. Some ppl say I shud b thankful. Well, I rili m. Seriously. But some ppl I noe isn't lyk him.. Dey're mean. Hurting me tru feelings n torture. A thorn for every heart.. Very true. For all dis yrs, I've been hurt.. I hate it so much dat I had no confidence 2 love again. But why did I give in 2 him? I dunno. All I noe dat I love him so much dat I'm afraid 2 lose him one day. I noe he doesn't mind my background. But what if one day, u start 2 hate me? When u start 2 get impatient wif me? Now u dun mind when Im bz wif wif my work. But in future, will u stay e same? Will u scold me or torture me? Will u treat me lyk a lowly gal wif a stupid background? I noe u wud say no. But is it e truth? Can u promise? I noe u'll b asking why m I thinking lyk dis.. It's cos I had dis dream. Wer u were rili a diff person. E same attitude juz lyk my x. Im scared.. Rili scared.. Sometimes dis dreams juz makes me feel dat I shudnt haf gotten in a relationship wif u cos all I noe, I will hurt u in e end. If Im talking 2 u on e phone rite now, I guess u wud noe dat Im crying now.. But its juz 2 painful 2 hold back my tears.. I rili dun wanna lose u. But dis dream.... Im scared of it.. I noe ur patient n wont do dis.. But Im juz RILI scared.. Hope ur not angry wif me.. Cos I dun wanna lose u.. Dats all.. I love u.

Hey.. Finally.. Someone turned 17. Haha.. How does it feel? Gd? Well, I hope so too.. Well, I specially typed dis birthday song 2 u.. Hope u can hear it without me singing.. Haha..

Monday.. I didnt rilli went out. Cos I was bz wif work at hm.. Den I wasnt rilli in e mood.. So went online for a while.. Chat wif By, den was offline a lil l8r.. By had his interview today. So I didnt bother him much. Cos Im afraid I wud be a hassle 2 him. Well, hope it went ok. I expected he wud hang out wif his frenz l8r, after e interview. N wud b back late. So, ok I did my own work. Til evening. My sis came hm abt 5.30. E phone rang.. She said it was my teacher. So, ok.. I tot I did sumting wrong.. Den went I pick up, it was my one n only darling!!!! Haha.. Rilli.. Im dat hapi 2 hear his voice. Cos I miss him soo much. He called 2 say he was under e block. So I quickly changed my clothes n ran down. Wanting so much 2 c his smile, he gave me dat serious look. I was scared. I expected bad news. Den he gave me a bag of chocolates!!!!!! EEeeeeekkkkkzzzz!!!!!!!!!!! My fav snack! Slurp!! I was soooooooo HAPPY!!!!! U cudnt imagine.. It was rili swt of him. I rili didnt expect him 2 buy me dis. Esp coming here 2 Yishun. All e way from Suntec City. I was soooo tankful dat I cud hug him for hours! OMG........... ** By, TANK U soooo much.. I LOVE U LOADS!! MUACKZ!! Its soo sad I cant hug u longer. Haiz.. Hope 2 c u soon again.. Dis Sat maybe.. Ok? U smell nice btw.. Haha..

Today, 17 Sept.. Went 2 M'sia. Wif my GM, sis, bro n my Uncle's family. Wat did we do der? Juz 2 haf lunch. N wat did we had? Pizza Hut. OMG.. Y cant we haf it here in S'pore? Haha.. Guess its expensive here. U tink its cheap? Well, try paying for 9 ppl.. Yes. 9 ppl.. Haha.. N wanna noe something else dats amusing? We can all fit in the car!! Amazing huh.. Haha.. Well, after we ate, we did some shopping.. My GM bought for me a Converse shoe n a shirt. Sen walk ard a bit, had coffee... Den walk ard.. Den its hm time.. Boy, m I glad.. I was ever ready 2 go hm.. So I reached hm abt 7.40.. I guess dats abt it for today.. Haiz.. Still got 4 more BORING wks 2 skul...! I still hope its gg 2 b fast.. FUCK!!! Damn. *Hope I get hired soon.. At least my mom gave me $20 per wk since Im not skuling.. So I guess dats ok.. Haha.. Better den nothing.

Argh!!! Wats up wif u ppl??! Damn it.. I woke up at 8.. Cos I needed 2 do "work" at hm.. Den my mom keeps on calling me time n time again.. Can u imagine how irritating dat sound rings every minute?? She keeps adding chores 2 my list.. Sometimes having a maid doesnt do much gd cos she doesnt rili noe if she do it in e right way.. Den wen Im bz wif werk, my sis's sch called 2 say she's having gastric pain.. Despite my long list of chores, I went 2 pick her up frm skul. After we reached hm, she ate her medicine, ate her lunch, pacing up n down e house. She said she wanted 2 go back 2 skul. N Im lyk wat e fuck? I pick u up frm skul, now ur telling me u wanna go back 2 skul cos of CCA?? 2 hell wif u bitch! I knew she didnt wanna do e "work". So her oni choice left is skul. Hang out wif frenz.. Chit-chat her n der.. Waste tym. All dos crappy lies abt her having after-skul classes.. BULLSHIT!!! Fuck dem all.. Grrr.. Was sooo pist, u wudnt wanna noe how much Im crying n suffering. I juz stood in e toilet, in front of e mirror. Crying silently 2 myself. Y must dis happen 2 me? Watching myself cry, its rilli heartbreaking. Its lyk Im helpless. I juz wish By was wif me. Hugging him wud b e next best ting. Seriously.. Wish he wud b der for me in my saddest moments.. N of course vise versa. *Tanx By.. Love u loads. :)

*Well, its natural for ppl 2 do stupid tings sometimes.. I dun blame u.. I juz feel Im used to it already.. Wif all kinds of ex I had.. I tink its natural for me 2 bottle tings up inside.. If u tink its ur on e right side, I can help it but 2 agree since u wont listen.. Rite? Forget abt y'dae.. I already forgiven u.. Dun worry. I still love u as it is..

Well, y'dae I had 2 come back 2 skul for a presentation on my project. I was group wif Zul n Baqis. Although our project was quite plain, I tink we did pretty well. Cos der wasnt any critics from e Martin (e lamest teacher I ever seen.............)!! Isnt dat gr8?? Well, other grps did pretty well.. Esp Flash's grp.. If u dunno him.. Its Xiao Hao. Hehe.. He's grp work was rilli gr8.. It was lyk e professional's grp. Seriously.. Wow... No words but wow... OMG... Haha.. Ok. Eric's grp was pretty gd too.. Noe y? Cos dis ppl are DAMN gd in Flash Animation.. Dis is wat my course teaches u.. Pretty cool huh.. Love skul a lot.. But now its a 5 wks holiday, I dunno wat 2 do during e 5 wks break.. haiz.. Isnt it a bore?? Gotta find a job sei.. Earn money... Den can spend n save..

Im feeling much better den last tym.. Im so glad dat By is not angry wif me or disappointed.. *hugs* Now I realised.. Wat more can I ask for wen Im blessed 2 haf such a wonderful bf hu understands and respects me.. Wif his arms wide open, Im not afraid 2 express my feelings anymore.. LOVE u loads.. MUACKZ!

Today, we went 2 Jurong Point.. We juz wanted 2 take a look on wat dey haf der.. On my opinion, its lyk a food paradise der.. We were hungry anyway, so I decided dat we went 2 eat at Pizza Hut.. Man... Its a specially gd.. Yummy.. We had our mushroom soup, beef lasagne n hawaiian pizza!! Isnt dat gr8?? Well, 2 u it may b juz a lunch date. But 2 me, I tink its special. Every moment wif him is special 2 me. Cos I love him loads. Nvr will I get tired of seeing him again.. *Love U*

So wat if He's gr8?? Must He use it on everyone on earth?? Y must He make everyone suffer?? Since He likes it soo much, might as well, He kill us all.. Y must He make each of us, His creation.. To hell.. I tink its stupid. Making us suffer is soo evil...

*2 Mardhiah.. I hope u will get better soon.. Real soon.. Miss dos days wer we had fun most of e tym... I dun wan u 2 go.. Not juz yet.. Pray dat u'll b fine.. Promise.. Smile always.. U promise 2 go out wif me after our exams.. Dun break ur promise ok..

**By.. Sori 2 make u sad ar.. Wat Im typing here, is juz my feelings... Sometimes I feel ders a sense of hatred towards u.. I dunno y.. Rilli. Sometimes I ask myself y.. Seriously... I cant find e reason.. Its lyk dat feeling is taking over me.. Im soo sori if ur angry or sad or disappointed reading dis.. But Im juz trying myself 2 feel lyk my usual self.. Its not dat I rilli hate u.. I love u. And dats true. Im sure dis feeling will fade away soon.. Remember e tym I told u, nvr 2 fight wif me? Nvr 2 hate me? Dis is e reason y.. I haf diff feelings at diff tyms.. Its juz in me 2 hate someone or everyone for dat particular day in e yr.. I hate it.. N it take quite some tym 2 forget dat feeling.. Im juz typing dis out so dat u wud read dis.. I wan u 2 noe how I feel, but I cant bring myself 2 tell u.. Cos I noe I'll hurt ur feelings deeply.. All dis while, Im juz trying 2 make it sound lyk a dream.. I hate myself 4 feeling lyk dis.. Rilli.. I hope u dun hate me for typing dis out.. I hope 2 feel better soon.. Pls dun b angry wf me. Pls... Forgive me if I ever done anything 2 hurt u or make u feel sad or disappointed. I love u a lot.. N I mean A LOT.. Hope u'll forgive me.. Sori.. :(